Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Federal Judge says enough with the stupid names

Anonymous said...
Yes. It is fake. It is satire.

April 15, 2008 8:58 PM

Thanks Anonymous.....


Federal Judge says enough with the stupid names

After Judge Cabrera's historic ruling, little Clitoria Jackson will likely undergo a name change.
(DETROIT) In a decision that's expected to send shockwaves through the African-American communityand yet, give much relief to teachers everywherea federal judge ruled today that black women no longer have independent naming rights for their children. Too many black childrenand many adultsbear names that border on not even being words, he said.
"I am simply tired of these ridiculous names black women are giving their children," said U.S. Federal Judge Ryan Cabrera before rendering his decision. "Someone had to put a stop to it."
The rule applies to all black women, but Cabrera singled out impoverished mothers.
"They are the worst perpetrators, " he said. "They put in apostrophes where none are needed. They think a 'Q' is a must. There was a time when Shaniqua and Tawanda were names you dreaded. Now, if you're a black girl, you hope you get a name as sensible as one of those."
Few stepped forward to defend black womenand black women themselves seemed relieved.
"It's so hard to keep coming up with something unique," said Uneeqqi Jenkins, 22, an African-American mother of seven who survives on public assistance. Her children are named Daryl, Q'Antity, Uhlleejsha, Cray-Ig, Fellisittee, Tay'Sh'awn and Day'Shawndra.
Beginning in one week, at least three white people must agree with the name before a black mother can name her child.
"Hopefully we can see a lot more black children with sensible names like Jake and Connor," Cabrera said.
His ruling stemmed from a lawsuit brought by a 13-year-old girl whose mother created her name using Incan hieroglyphics.
"She said it would make me stand out," said the girl, whose name can't be reproduced by The Peoples News' technology. "But it's really just stupid."
The National Association of Elementary School Teachers celebrated Cabrera's decision.
"Oh my God, the first day of school you'd be standing there sweating, looking at the list of names wondering 'How do I pronounce Q'J'Q'Sha.'? " said Joyce Harmon, NAEST spokeswoman. "Is this even English?"
The practice of giving black children outlandish names began in the 1960s, when blacks were getting in touch with their African roots, said historian Corlione Vest. But even he admits it got out of hand.
"I have a niece who's six. I'm embarrassed to say I can't even pronounce her name," said Vest, a professor at Princeton University. "Whenever I want to talk to her, I just wait until she looks at me and then I wave her over."
Cabrera's ruling exempted black men because so few of them are actually involved in their children's lives.


Frank said...

Nice. Do you feel better now? Let us know the next time you'll be sucking a golf ball through a garden hose. That spectacle is like crack cocaine to us.

Frank said...
Netlore Archive: Emailed ‘news item’ claims a U.S. federal judge has ruled that due to the proliferation of ‘ridiculous names,’ poverty-stricken black women no longer have the right to christen their own children

Description: Satire
Circulating since: March 2008
Status: False
Email example contributed by Sharon P., March 14, 2008:

Fw: Federal Judge forbids Poor Black mothers from naming their children

After Judge Cabrera’s historic ruling, little Clitoria Jackson will likely undergo a name change.

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