Thursday, January 31, 2008

Orlando, Obama, Tommie.....

Tommie for Obama!

Tommie Lee & Obama....

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Quote by Jack Broadnax:

Today, Jan. 30 would have been granddaddy Jack's birthday. In his memory:

"Everybody in your collar ain't there to button your shirt". "They may just be there to choke you."

I will never forget those words he told me. My friend, Patrice still remembers those words he told us as well. So, please all of you keep these words close to you at all times because it is so true. Granddaddy had a lot of wisdom.

From all of your grandkids, greatgrand kids, etc.

P.S. Guys let's stay together as a family because no one can replace family. Let's always love and support each other as much as possible. I know I don't say this very often to you all, but I truly do love each and every one of you. I suppose I need to set the example being the eldest. (well, really the youngest with the mini skirts) (lol).

Much love,


Happy Birthday Grandad Jack!!!!!!! Lo many thanks to you and yours for making me feel like family

Monday, January 28, 2008

President Like My Father

Thanks SB!

Published: January 27, 2008
OVER the years, I’ve been deeply moved by the people who’ve told me they wished they could feel inspired and hopeful about America the way people did when my father was president. This sense is even more profound today. That is why I am supporting a presidential candidate in the Democratic primaries, Barack Obama.
My reasons are patriotic, political and personal, and the three are intertwined. All my life, people have told me that my father changed their lives, that they got involved in public service or politics because he asked them to. And the generation he inspired has passed that spirit on to its children. I meet young people who were born long after John F. Kennedy was president, yet who ask me how to live out his ideals.
Sometimes it takes a while to recognize that someone has a special ability to get us to believe in ourselves, to tie that belief to our highest ideals and imagine that together we can do great things. In those rare moments, when such a person comes along, we need to put aside our plans and reach for what we know is possible.
We have that kind of opportunity with Senator Obama. It isn’t that the other candidates are not experienced or knowledgeable. But this year, that may not be enough. We need a change in the leadership of this country — just as we did in 1960.
Most of us would prefer to base our voting decision on policy differences. However, the candidates’ goals are similar. They have all laid out detailed plans on everything from strengthening our middle class to investing in early childhood education. So qualities of leadership, character and judgment play a larger role than usual.
Senator Obama has demonstrated these qualities throughout his more than two decades of public service, not just in the United States Senate but in Illinois, where he helped turn around struggling communities, taught constitutional law and was an elected state official for eight years. And Senator Obama is showing the same qualities today. He has built a movement that is changing the face of politics in this country, and he has demonstrated a special gift for inspiring young people — known for a willingness to volunteer, but an aversion to politics — to become engaged in the political process.
I have spent the past five years working in the New York City public schools and have three teenage children of my own. There is a generation coming of age that is hopeful, hard-working, innovative and imaginative. But too many of them are also hopeless, defeated and disengaged. As parents, we have a responsibility to help our children to believe in themselves and in their power to shape their future. Senator Obama is inspiring my children, my parents’ grandchildren, with that sense of possibility.
Senator Obama is running a dignified and honest campaign. He has spoken eloquently about the role of faith in his life, and opened a window into his character in two compelling books. And when it comes to judgment, Barack Obama made the right call on the most important issue of our time by opposing the war in Iraq from the beginning.
I want a president who understands that his responsibility is to articulate a vision and encourage others to achieve it; who holds himself, and those around him, to the highest ethical standards; who appeals to the hopes of those who still believe in the American Dream, and those around the world who still believe in the American ideal; and who can lift our spirits, and make us believe again that our country needs every one of us to get involved.
I have never had a president who inspired me the way people tell me that my father inspired them. But for the first time, I believe I have found the man who could be that president — not just for me, but for a new generation of Americans.
Caroline Kennedy is the author of “A Patriot’s Handbook: Songs, Poems, Stories and Speeches Celebrating the Land We Love.”


Robert Novak sheds a very revealing light on Hilary Clinton during The Peak of Th Civil Rights Movement.

Thanks Leatha:

A March 12, 2007 article written by acclaimed
Washington columnist Robert Novak sheds a very revealing light on the
true sentiment of Hillary Clinton during the peak of the Civil Rights
Movement. Clinton recently was found to have minimized the great and
monumental strides taken by Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. by stating that
it was Lyndon B. Johnson, then president, who should receive the credit
for the civil rights progress including the Civil Rights Act of 1964.

In an attempt to attract black support Hillary
Clinton regularly shares her 'civil rights experience' during every
speech given to black audiences. Novak writes of one such speech at
Selma's First Baptist Church on the 42nd anniversary of the "bloody
Sunday" freedom march there, where Sen. Clinton declared: "As a young
woman, I had the great privilege of hearing Dr. King speak in Chicago.
The year was 1963. My youth minister from our church took a few of us
down on a cold January night to hear [King]. . . . And he called on us,
he challenged us that evening to stay awake during the great revolution
that the civil rights pioneers were waging on behalf o f a more perfect
union." But Novak's article states that there's a big problem with her

The fact is, in 1963, not only was Hillary
Clinton a republican, but she was also a staunch supporter of republican
Senator Barry Goldwater, well known as a segregationist and one of the
most vocal senators adamently against the passing of the Civil Rights
Act of 1964, which is why he lost in his presidential bid to Lyndon B.
Johnson. Novak writes " then could she be a 'Goldwater Girl' in
the next year's presidential election?" He continues, "...she described
herself in her memoirs as 'an active Young Republican' and 'a Goldwater
girl, right down to my cowgirl outfit.'

Novak adds, "As a politically attuned honor
student, she must have known that Goldwater was one of only six
Republican senators who joined Southern Democratic segregationists
opposing the historic voting rights act of 1964 inspired by King.
Hillary headed the Young Republicans at Wellesley College. The
incompatibility of those two positions of 40 years ago was noted to me
(Novak) by Democratic old-timers who were shocked by Sen. Clinton's
temerity in pursuing her presidential candidacy." Novak adds, "What
Hillary Clinton said at Selma is significant because it betrays her
campaign's panicky reaction to the unexpected rise of S en. Obama as a
serious competitor for the Democratic nomination.

Clinton's plans were transformed by the advent
of Obama, an African-American threatening the hard allegiance of black
voters forged by Bill Clinton. On one hand, the Clinton campaign has
attacked Obama and his supporters. On the other hand, she has sought to
solidify her civil rights credentials.

While Clinton was re-inventing her past, her
road to the White House is not going as planned. Instead of a steady
procession to coronation at the Denver convention, she is involved in a
real struggle against credible opponents led by Obama. No wonder she and
her handlers were tempted to imply the existence long ago of a young
lady in Chicago's suburbs who never really existed."

We greatly appreciate Mr. Novak's findings which
bring one main thought to mind. Wake up Black America! DON'T BE FOOLED !
The fact is, despite her falsehoods, Hillary was AGAINST the passing of
the Civil Rights Act of 1964 that Dr. Martin Luther King died for. As a
'Goldwater Girl' she was actually even against Lyndon B. Johnson, the
very person she now gives the credit to for Dr. King getting to the
mountaintop. She has worked extremely hard to hide many truths about her
past, including ordering that her 92 page college thesis that she wrote
at Wellesley College be 'sealed' and unavailable to the public, an order
forced upon the college by Bill Clinton wh ile president, although all
senior thesis' at Wellesley have been available for public reading for
over 100 years, except one....Hillary Rodham Clinton's.

Reports have stated that information in her
'secret thesis' could be the 'Swift Boat' ammo to be used by the
Republican Party against her should she become the nominee. (read more
about 'secret thesis' at MSNBC)

In addition to re-inventing her past, the most
obvious new Billary Clinton strategy is to use 'Token Negroes' like BET
Founder Bob Johnson, Tavis Smiley, and Magic Johnson to name a few, to
attack and discredit Barack Obama, a tactic which many blacks find
additionally offensive, calling these black Clinton cronies 'sell-outs'.
Spread the word....share the facts. The Clinton's have been conning the
black community for a long time and are NOT what they claim to be. I bet
they go home at night, pour some expensive wine, kick their feet up and
just laugh li ke crazy about what big black suckers we are. But now,
it's time to prove them wrong !

By: Greg Jones

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Brother from South Africa.. Thanks Tommie

Peace and Blessings...

Greetings Fellow Voters!
As I pondered the State of the Nation and reflected on how vital this upcoming election is to our people and country, it occurred to me, we could very well witness history and the inauguration of the first Black President of the United States! I began to thank the Lord in prayer. Suddenly, the Holy Spirit revealed to me the images below and spoke these simple words..."Forty years of wondering to the Promise Land." It occurred to me as I digested these images...

"The Creator" "The Message" "The Deliverer" " The Messenger"

"The Promise"
Since the beginning of time His message has always been..."Let My People Go!" Even after their (Black People) release and deliverance to the Promise Land, because of their (Black People) DISOBEDIENCE they spent Forty Years wandering and never made it into the Promise Land.
There has been forty years since Martin Luther King, Jr. 's death after delivering his famous "I Have A Dream" speech which specifically told us.."He had been to the mountain top and seen our people get to the Promise Land, although he would not get there with us he promised we would!" MLK, Jr's message was the same over forty years ago..."Let My People Go!"
My Sisters and Brothers...It is Time! If not now, when? I challenge all of you to earnestly pray on your decision before you go to the polls and if you believe like I believe, we will witness another moment in history. Change is here, and the bus is at your stop...Will you get on it or wait another forty years for one to come along which is not even scheduled?
Help Obama deliver the FUBU (For Us By Us) VOTE!
Sidebar: The traditional vote in New Hampshire , set a great example for us as a people. Giving Hilliary Clinton the " sympathy" win, says more than just women supporting her. It said the "white folks" are still not ready to equal the playing field and let us in. Believe it or not, we as a people hold the key to his success and or failure.
Nelly said it so clearly in his Country Grammar song ..."I got friends now, let me in now...."
If we are ready for a woman, we are certainly ready for Obama!
Voice your choice and Vote Obama today!

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

National DO NOT CALL list

To prevent this, call the following number from your cell phone: 888-382-1222.

It is the National DO NOT CALL list. It will only take a minute
of your time. It blocks your number for five (5) years. You must call
from the cell phone number you want to have blocked. You cannot
call from a different phone number.

It take about 20 seconds...

Friday, January 18, 2008


Thanks Leatha..

BC is the white political
establishment's resident expert on the American negro.
He's a Southern boy so he know what makes negros
tick. He's knows that negros are dying for social
contact w/powerful white massas like him, so
he plays on that to the max.
Silly negros give him props
as the 1st Black Pres coz he eats greens
& pig feet & knows
all the words to "Lift E'vry Voice & Sing."
He's even known to taste a lil "brown sugah"
when he ain't bonin' fat white girls.

Like many Southern whites, he's extremely
comfortable around negros, not Black people,
but negros like vernon jordan & j.jackson.
He's got a crib up in Harlem & he attend
negro churches where he is treated as
a celeb. At best, BC is an opportunistic wigger,
a wanna-bee who is adept at smoozing the
gullible, & the infantile, but there ain't nuthin Black about
BC except the people he so smoothly fools.

Dr. Hotep

Thursday, January 17, 2008

Anonymous Responds...

Define "Good". Because a man is courteous, expresses his feelings, and provides for his family and does not assault his woman does not make him good. Don't take offense, but I expect these things, and therefore that doesn't make a brothers' cream rise to the top for me.

I cook, I clean, I'm educated, employed, spend quality time with my child, attend church, extend my help and good fortune to all that I come in contact with, but I have an opinion and I'm not afraid to express it. And somehow that makes me negative or disgruntled or somehow less than a desireable woman. We are a race that is doomed to forever lack the "common" sense that is needed to succeed. We don't have to agree on everything, but we need to agree to disagree, respect one another for both are similarities as well as our differences and move past this nonsense.
-No man (woman) ever has, nor ever will escape the consequenses of his choices.- Alfred Montapert

Stephen Responds to Leatha:

Your comments were brilliant! Simply brilliant! Black folks are coming out to support Hillary, and it's sad. I jokingly told Josiah over a month ago that Obama would lose because too many Sisters are supporting Hillary! The reporters on the cable networks are now saying that the Black female vote could sway the election to Hillary! Wow! I applaud you for having the courage to stand up and tell it like it is!

Leatha.... on Obama

Hi Pat:

I don't quite understand black people's love for "Slick Willie" Bill Clinton who on his watch gave us NAFTA, three strikes you're out, longer prison terms for crack cocaine than powdered cocaine simply because more BLACK people used crack. More black men were incarcerated under William Jefferson Clinton than at any other time. Under Clinton's watch, Troops were sent to Serbia to quench the disturbance there, but none were sent to Rwanda. The list of wrongs is long, but much to my amazement black people had the audacity to anoint this person as the First Black President simply because he frequently rubbed elbows with Blacks in social settings and played the saxophone with Black musicians. We are very sick indeed as a people and the plantation looms large.

Bob Johnson, the former owner of BET, which I unapologetically named Buffoon Entertainment Television and seldom made part of my television agenda then--and now for that matter--had the audacity to wrap his verbal garbage sale around his "love" for the Clintons while attempting to tarnish Senator Obama. If Black people's minds were in the right place, Johnson would not be a billionaire, but ashamed to show his sorry face anywhere in the Black community.

Black women seem to forget that the white feminist movement has never included us. In fact, white women seized advantage of the Civil Rights Movement and became the new minority and, thus, ended up with the plum jobs and black females were again left in the cold. When Roland S. Martin, WVON radio, personally telephoned some of the prominent white feminists to ask them to commit to defending Rutgers female basketball team against the venom spewed by Don Imus, none would speak out.

Personally, I am a proud Obama supporter because it is my wish that a black president and his family finally reside at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, Washington, DC.


I'm starting to think that some of our black men are to sensitive

Hey Anonymous…
I agree. But where there’s smoke, there's fire. Apparently ladies-- there is definitely a disconnect,and the same holds true for you guys. For myself, I'm learning to relinquish that control factor and to allow the right man to lead. This is a very, very, difficult attempt, but certainly something that I am conscientious and aware of. We are not hearing one another.... That's Unfortunate..


This very comment shows the inconsistency of many Sisters. Sisters are very eager to tell you that they want a "good man" that treats them like a lady, is a gentleman, and who does not abuse them. What are many Sisters choosing? Do you see how that comment alone supports the comments that we have made. If you're good to them, reveal your feelings, or even disagree with them, You can be labeled "Soft", "too Sensitive", or "too nice". It's not that Good men are too sensitive, it's that many Sisters are too hard, and don't recognize what being treated well actually feels like. Many Sisters want to be the man and woman in the relationship. A real man will not tolerate that foolishness, and then his manhood will be questioned as her statement shows. This is also an attempt at manipulation. They could make the situation easier if they chose the type of man that they say they want, but that happens very rarely. Many Sisters do not know what Black male strength really is.



How do you know if this is a Sister? Anonymous might be a male?????

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Joe on Obama...

I am so disconnect from the political system that I honestly don't have a strong position yet on the Hillary vs Obama debate. I originally supported Hillary because I felt Obama wouldn't be allowed to do much change in office but his appearances and support base do impress me. I do think America is ready for a black president but I am ready for a GOOD president!

SB & Cheech.. on Obama..


Now is the time for the right Blackman to be President. It really amazes me that Sisters who scream that their are no "goodmen" out here at all, run to vote for Hillary. It's obvious that Michelle Obama has her "Good man". But are the Sisters getting behind Michelle and her man? Hillary made very disrespectful comments regarding MLK and the civil rights movement recently, and the Sisters act as if they didn't hear anything at all. Bill Clinton has even attacked Obama, and he was cheating on his wife while President.
I jokingly made the prediction to Josiah that if Obama loses the election, it would because Black women would sellout and support a White candidate. Hmmm. It looks like that possibility might come to reality. Sisters need to wake up, and do it in a hurry.



It's not that I don't support Obama, I am more afraid for him. Japan is financing our war, they 've shipped most of the Jobs out of the Country ,the middle class is gone, and Bush is over there-- as I speak , beggin for oil. I'm just under the belief that America is so far gone, that now they will gladly give it to a black man. He will be the fall guy - or- clean up their mess. I totally support Obama, however; I'm very afraid of what he 's about to get himself into. I don't care for the Clinton's but I'd rather they inherit that hell-- than Michelle and Obama. That's all...

Why is Bob Johnson attempting to sabotage Barack Obama?

For the first time in history, we have a Blackman that has a chance of getting the Democratic nomination for president! What does Johnson do? He comes out in support of Hillary! WTF? Even Jesse "Baby daddy" Jackson, and Al "The perm" Sharpton are smart enough at this point in history to keep their mouths shut and not say anything stupid. For years Johnson did much damage to our young kids for allowing the constant showing of Gangster Rap and "uncut" videos. He objectified women at every turn in his choice of programming. If he had too, he could have easily just released a statement endorsing Hillary, but he felt it necessary to publicly attack Obama.
I will no longer refer to him as Bob Johnson, from now on he is TOM Johnson!!


Stephen, you would be surprised at the number of brothers supporting Hilary. On Johnson-- I feel ya! I would rather Hilary get in office, this Country is in ruins, and I believe it's irreversible. We have always cleaned up wf mess!!!!!! Let Hilary do it!


Black Men Missing

By: Phillip Jackson

There is no longer a need for dire predictions, hand-wringing, or apprehension about losing a generation of Black boys. It is too late. In education, employment, economics, incarceration, health, housing, and parenting, we have lost a generation of young Black men. The question that remains is will we lose the next two or three generations, or possibly every generation of Black boys hereafter to the streets, negative media, gangs, drugs, poor education, unemployment, father absence, crime, violence and death.

Most young Black men in the United States don't graduate from high school. Only 35% of Black male students graduated from high school in Chicago and only 26% in New York City, according to a 2006 report by The Schott Foundation for Public Education. Only a few Black boys who finish high school actually attend college, and of those few Black boys who enter college, nationally, only 22% of them finish college.

Young Black male students have the worst grades, the lowest test scores, and the highest dropout rates of all students in the country. When these young Black men don't succeed in school, they are much more likely to succeed in the nation's criminal justice and penitentiary system. And it was discovered recently that even when a young Black man graduates from a U.S. college, there is a good chance that he is from Africa, the Caribbean or Europe, and not the United States.

Black men in prison in America have become as American as apple pie. There are more Black men in prisons and jails in the United States (about 1.1 million) than there are Black men incarcerated in the rest of the world combined. This criminalization process now starts in elementary schools with Black male children as young as six and seven years old being arrested in staggering numbers according to a 2005 report, Education on Lockdown by the Advancement Project.

The rest of the world is watching and following the lead of America. Other countries including England, Canada, Jamaica, Brazil and South Africa are adopting American social policies that encourage the incarceration and destruction of young Black men. This is leading to a world-wide catastrophe. But still, there is no adequate response from the American or global Black community.

Worst of all is the passivity, neglect and disengagement of the Black community concerning the future of our Black boys. We do little while the future lives of Black boys are being destroyed in record numbers. The schools that Black boys attend prepare them with skills that will make them obsolete before, and if, they graduate. In a strange and perverse way, the Black community, itself, has started to wage a kind of war against young Black men and has become part of this destructive process.

Who are young Black women going to marry? Who is going to build and maintain the economies of Black communities? Who is going to anchor strong families in the Black community? Who will young Black boys emulate as they grow into men? Where is the outrage of the Black community at the destruction of its Black boys? Where are the plans and the supportive actions to change this? Is this the beginning of the end of the Black people in America?

The list of those who have failed young Black men includes our government, our foundations, our schools, our media, our Black churches, our Black leaders, and even our parents. Ironically, experts say that the solutions to the problems of young Black men are simple and relatively inexpensive, but they may not be easy, practical or popular. It is not that we lack solutions as much as it is that we lack the will to implement these solutions to save Black boys. It seems that government is willing to pay billions of dollars to lock up young Black men, rather than the millions it would take to prepare them to become viable contributors and valued members of our society.

Please consider these simple goals that can lead to solutions for fixing the problems of young Black men:

Short term

1) Teach all Black boys to read at grade level by the third grade and to embrace education
2) Provide positive role models for Black boys
3) Create a stable home environment for Black boys that includes contact with their fathers
4) Ensure that Black boys have a strong spiritual base
5) Control the negative media influences on Black boys
6) Teach Black boys to respect all girls and women

Long term

1) Invest as much money in educating Black boys as in locking up Black men
2) Help connect Black boys to a positive vision of themselves in the future
3) Create high expectations and help Black boys live into those high expectations
4) Build a positive peer culture for Black boys
5) Teach Black boys self-discipline, culture and history
6) Teach Black boys and the communities in which they live to embrace education and life-long learning

More Facts
37.7% of Black men in the United States are not working (2006 Joint Economic Committee Study chaired by Senator Charles E. Schumer (D-NY))
58% of Black boys in the United States do not graduate from high school (2006 Report from the Schott Foundation for Public Education)
Almost 70% of Black children are born into female, single parent households (2000 Census Report)
About 1 million Black men in the United States are in prison (U.S. Justice Department)

Monday, January 7, 2008

Are Women Scaring Off Men

The Washington Post

By: Joy Jones

Have you met this woman? She has a good job, works hard, and earns a good salary. She went to college, she got her master's degree; she is intelligent. She is personable, articulate, well read, interested in everybody and everything Yet, she's single.

Or maybe you know this one: Active in the church. Faithful, committed, sings in the choir, serves on the usher board, and attends every committee meeting. Loves the Lord and knows the Word. You'd think that with her command of the Scriptures and the respect of her church members, she'd have a marriage as solid as a rock. But again, no husband.

Or perhaps you recognize the community activist. She's a black lady, or, as she prefers, an African American woman, on the move. She sports A short natural; sometimes cornrow braids, or even dreadlocks.She 's an organizer, a motivator, a dynamo. Her work for he r people speaks for itself--organizing women for a self-help, raising funds for A community cause, educating others around a new issue in South Africa. Black folks look up to her, and white folks know she's a force to be reckoned with. Yet once again, the men leave her alone.

What do these women have in common? They have so much; what is it they lack? Why is it they may be able to hook a man but can't hold him? The women puzzle over this quandary themselves. They gather at professional clubs, at sorority meetings or over coffee at the office and wonder what's wrong with black men? They hold special prayer vigils and fast and pray and beg Jesus to send the men back to church. They find the brothers attending political strategizing sessions or participating in protests but when it comes time to go home, the brothers go home to someone else.

I know these women because I am all of these women.

And after asking over and over again "What's wrong with these men?", it finally dawned on me to ask the question, "What's wrong with us women?" What I have found, and what many of these women have yet to discover, is that the skills that make one successful in the church, community or workplace are not the skills that make one successful in a relationship.

Linear thinking, self-reliance, structured goals and direct action assist one in getting assignments done, in organizing church or club activities or in positioning oneself for a raise, but relationship- building requires different skills. It requires making decisions that not only gratify you, but satisfy others. It means doing things that will keep the peace rather than achieve the goal, and sometimes it means creating the peace in the first place Maintaining a harmonious relationship will not always allow you to take the straight line between two points. You may have to stoop to conquer or yield to win.

In too many cases, when dealing with men, you will have to sacrifice being right in order to enjoy being loved. Being acknowledged as the head of the household is an especially important thing for many black men, since their manhood is so often actively challenged everywhere else. Many modern women are so independent, so self-sufficient, so committed to the cause, to the church, to their career or their narrow concepts that their entire personalities project an "I don't need a man" message. So they end up without one. An interested man may be attracted but he soon discovers that this sister makes very little space for him in her life.

Going to graduate school is a good goal and an option that previous generations of blacks have not had. But sometimes the achieving woman will place her boyfriend so low on her list of priorities that his interest wanes. Between work, school and homework, she's seldom "there" for him, for the preliminaries that might develop a commitment to a woman. She's too busy to prepare him a home-cooked meal or to be a listening ear for his concerns because she is so occupied with her own.

Soon he uses her only for uncommitted sex since to him she appears unavailable for anything else. Blind to the part she's playing in the problem, she ends up thinking, "Men only want one thing." And she decides she's better off with the degree than the friendship. When she's 45, she may wish she'd set different priorities while she was younger. It's not just the busy career girl who can't see the forest for the trees.

A couple I know was having marital troubles. During one argument, the husband confronted the wife and asked what she thought they should do about the marriage, what direction they should take. She reached for her Bible and turned to Ephesians. "I know what Paul says and I know what Jesus says about marriage," he told her, "What do you say about our marriage?" Dumbfounded, she could not say anything. Like so many of us, she could recite the Scriptures but could not apply them to everyday living. Before the year was out, the husband had filed for divorce. Women who focus on civil rights or community activism have vigorous, fighting spirits and are prepared to do whatever, whenever, to benefit black people. That's good. That's necessary. But it needs to be kept in perspective. It's too easy to save the world and lose your man.

A fighting spirit is important on the battlefield, but a gentler spirit is wanted on the home front. Too many women are winning the battle and losing the home. Sometimes in our determined efforts to be strong believers and hard workers, we contemporary women downplay, denigrate or simply forget our more traditional feminine attributes. Men value women best for the ways we are different from them, not the ways we are the same. Men appreciate us for our grace and beauty. Men enjoy our softness and see it as a way to be in touch with their tender side, a side they dare not show to other men. A hard-working woman is good to have on your committee. But when a man goes home, he'd prefer a loving partner to a hard worker.

It's not an easy transition for the modern black woman to make. It sounds submissive, reactionary, outmoded, and oppressive. We have fought so hard for so many things, and rightfully so. We have known so many men who were shaky, jive and untrustworthy. Yet we must admit that we are shaky, jive and willful in our own ways. Not having a husband allows us to do whatever we want, when and how we want to do it. Having one means we have to share the power and certain points will have to be surrendered. We are terrified of marriage and commitment, yet dread the prospect of being single and alone.

Throwing ourselves into work seems to fill the void without posing a threat. But like any other drug, the escape eventually becomes the cage. To make the break, we need to do less and "be" more. I am learning to "be still and know," to be trusting. I am learning to stop competing with black men and to collaborate with them, to temper my assertive and aggressive energy with softness and serenity. I'm not preaching a philosophy of "women be seen and not heard." But I have come to realize that I, and many of my smart and independent sisters, are out of touch with our feminine center and therefore out of touch with our men.

About a year ago, I was at an oldies-but-goodies club. As a Washingtonian, I love to do the bop and the hand dance styles that were popular when I was a teen. In those dances, the man has his set of steps and the woman has hers, but the couple is still two partners and must move together. On this evening, I was sitting out a record when a thought came to me. If a man were to say, "I'm going to be in charge and you're going to follow. I want you to adjust your ways to fit in with mine" I'd dismiss him as a Neanderthal. With my hand on my hip, I'd tell him that I have just as much sense as he does and that he can't tell me what to do. Yet, on the dance floor, I love following a man's lead. I don't feel inferior because my part is different from his, and I don't feel I have to prove that I'm just as able to lead as he is. I simply allow him to take my hand, and I go with the flow.

I am still single. I am over 30 and scared. I am still a member of my church, have no plans to quit my good government job and will continue to do what I can for my people. I think that I have a healthy relationship with a good man. But today, I know that I have to bring some of that spirit of the dance into my relationship.Dancing solo, I've mastered that. Now I'm learning how to accept his lead, and to go with the flow!

Adrienne Graham

Comment For "Donta, & Joe,":

I know I'm a little late in responding to this post. But I felt the need to agree with Patrice. Some of us (Black Women) hate to be seen as having any kind of flaws. There is rarely a middle ground these days. You have sisters with attitudes and hood mentalities feeling like everyone owes them something. And you have professional sisters such as the ones you describe in your post. We need to find a middle ground. That's not to say there aren't women in the "middle" (like me). I think it is our responsibility to give back and reach back to help one another when we make it. Some professional sisters really shouldn't let paranoia keep them from helping the next woman out. And for my sisters with the hood mentality, look around you. Strive to do better and be better. Educating yourself and conducting yourself in a professional manner is not selling out or making you less for your community.

Let's find a common ground ladies. Let's start working together instead of against one another.

Adrienne Graham
"An Empowered Black Woman"
Empower Me! Corp.

Friday, January 4, 2008


If I want my dreams to come true, I mustn't oversleep.
Of all the things I wear, my expression is the most important.
The best vitamin for making friends: B-1
The quality of my life depends on the quality of my thoughts.
The heaviest thing I can carry is a grudge.
I should keep my words soft and sweet in case I have to eat them.
One thing I can give and still keep: my word.
One thing I can't recycle is wasted time.
I lie the loudest when I lie to myself.
Ideas won't work unless 'I' do.
My mind is like a parachute. . .it functions only when open.
The 10 commandments are not multiple choice.
It is never too late to become all God can make me.
Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their
conversational skills will be as important as any other.
Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.
When you say, 'I love you,' mean it.
When you say, 'I'm sorry,' look the person in the eye.
Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
Believe in love at first sight.
Never laugh at anyone's dream. People who don't have dreams don't have
Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to
live life completely.
In disagreements, fight fairly! No name calling.
Don't judge people by their relatives.
Talk slowly but think quickly.
When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask,
'Why do you want to know?'
Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
Say 'God bless you' when you hear someone sneeze.
When you lose, don't lose the lesson. . .If you keep the lesson – You win.
Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and
Responsibility for all your actions.
Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct
Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.
Spend some time alone.
Pray every day – often.
Be thankful to God.

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